So recently a lot of my old friends (all younger than I am) have been getting pregnant, having kids, or getting married. Sometimes all three. Well this got me thinking, I’m 20 years old, unmarried and have no plans of having children yet. Is that bad? I mean I’m engaged but there’s a lot of stuff to go through before we actually get married. We would like to be married before we have kids. Don’t get me wrong I do want kids, Ive actually been having baby fever lately. Luckily my future career path reminds me that right now is not the right time for that. But I can’t help thinking that I’m falling behind a little, I mean I have a plan for myself but it’s different then my friends. Although being original is the best way to live right? I don’t know really, I guess since I don’t really have any friends to hang out with anymore I’ve been feeling extremely lonely and sometimes think that if I had a baby I wouldn’t be lonely anymore. Even though that isn’t true, a lot of moms still feel lonely when they’re at home alone with the baby so obviously thats not an excuse to have one right now.
Mostly, I’ve just been missing the way my life used to be. Hanging out with my friends almost every weekend, having sleepovers, going to the mall, talking on the phone all night long. It sucks that once I graduated that all just came to a halt. Some of my friends moved away, some got too caught up in college, and the rest are still in high school. None of us really have the time for each other anymore and I miss it. I have made some new friends in college but they almost seem temporary, like once we’re done with college they will no longer be my friend. Like they were just an illusion that college created so I wouldn’t be so bored. In retrospect I suppose most people feel this way.
One thing I miss are the days where I could just listen to music texting all of my friends at the same time and feel like they were all with me in my bedroom. I could spend hours just sitting in my bed with my music blasting and my phone constantly vibrating with incoming texts. Life was just so simple and now it’s completely different. I like that it’s different but I wish I still had somebody to hangout with. A best friend that wasn’t Jared but who was a girl that understood things better because they go through the same things I do. I mean I always have my mom but she has a job now and I feel like a little girl when I try to rely on her to be a friend as well as a parent.
I suppose some things are meant to change, friends come and go sure, but aren’t your best friends supposed to stick by your side no matter what? If so then mine didn’t. They don’t even like me anymore, they claim that I can’t grow up and that I never will. They act like they are so much more grown up than I am even though you can see thats not the case. I mean at least I don’t cry over not getting my way anymore. Nor do I complain when my parents don’t get me what I want like they still do. But whatever, the immature person will never see who the true immature person is and will always blame the most mature person of being the immature one. At least thats what my mom says.
I guess I never really thought about that much. That it’s possible that I grew up and my friends are still growing up but really slowly. It makes sense but at the same time makes me wonder if they’ll ever grow up to my level and if we’ll ever talk again. I hope so but in becoming an adult I’ve learned not to get my hopes up too much other wise I’ll fall flat on my ass with my hopes crushed. All I can do now is just live the way I want and not let this bother me anymore. Now that I got if off of my chest I do feel better. In a way ranting to people who don’t even know you helps. I hope I help anyone who reads this to know that they aren’t the only ones out there who feel this way. And who knows maybe we’ll even be friends someday.
Best of luck pretties!!